About Me

I feel the wanderlust and the call of the open highway. Which is good, because I drive cars for a living. But I'm a writer, and someday hope to once again make my living using my writing skills.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


I was driving a truck for a company, picked up in Florida and set to deliver in Texas. It was a long and difficult drive, because the truck had a special "governor" device on it, and the moment your speed hit 70 or above, a piercing alarm would go off and not stop til you slowed down to below 65mph. Normally, I set the cruise control on cars I drive at 75mph and make good time.

I had been driving 14 hours and was about to stop for the night at a friend's house. Then I saw the blue and red lights flashing in my rear view mirror. What could it be, I wondered. Certainly not speeding.

The officer walked slowly and deliberately up to my window. I had my driver's license all ready to show him. But before the cop said a word, he got a call on the mike attached to his collar. He told me to stay put, he'd be right back. He went to his car and climbed in. I watched the clock on my dash, and 16 minutes passed. I was sweating bullets, wondering what information he was checking on about me or my background. I have a squeaky clean record.

He finally sauntered back up to the car window and said, "Could I ask you a couple of questions."

I gulped hard and said, "Absolutely, occifer, I mean, officer."

"I have a rodent problem. At first it was just mice, but now there's rats too, and lots of them. Don't know exactly what to do about it, I've bought every kind of over the counter pest control item, but nothing does the trick. My wife is ready for us to sell the house. What do you suggest?"

"Uh... buy a cat?"

"You trying to be a smart aleck?"

"No sir, no way. But I really don't have a clue what to do about a rodent problem."

"You don't know anything about mice and rats?"

"I know that I hate them, they scare the crap out of me. It's a childhood issue."

"Then why the hell are you in the Pest Control business?"

Only then did the fog of exhaustion lift, and I remembered that I was driving an Orkin Pest Control truck, with ORKIN printed all over it in big letters. I explained that I was just transporting the truck, at which point I had to pull out all my paperwork to prove it.

The next day when I delivered the truck, I related this story to the guys at Orkin. I said I could not believe a policeman would pull over a truck, lights flashing, just to ask pest control questions.
"Happens all the time," the manager told me.

Wow. Always good to know the boys in blue are on the job.

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