About Me

I feel the wanderlust and the call of the open highway. Which is good, because I drive cars for a living. But I'm a writer, and someday hope to once again make my living using my writing skills.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

APRIL FOOLISH

March was a memory, and April had just begun as I was driving through busy traffic on the outskirts of Houston, Texas.  My cell phone rang, and I didn't recognize the number.  But you never know, so I answered.  "This is Bill."

"Hello, you dirty mofo."  It was Andy, the crazy driver who worked for my company.  I saved his life about six months ago, and had not seen him since.

"Hello, Andy.  What can I do for you?"

"I called you with some news.  Riff is dead."

"What?"

"Riff, our boss, he had cancer and it killed him."

"Cancer..."  I was flummoxed.  "I didn't even know he was sick."

"That's because he didn't tell you.  He's been sick for a very long time."

"Really?"

"Yes, really.  So I guess that means the company will shut down and you'll be out of a job.  Chew on that a while and tell me how it tastes."

I shook my head.  A Porsche swerved into my lane in front of me and slammed on the brakes.  "Crap!" I yelled.

"Is that all you can say?" asked Andy.  "A man has died."

"No, I was...  Never mind.  When did this happen?"

"Is that all you care about?  Get your priorities straight.  You are about to be without a job.  Cold and hungry and out in the streets with no car to hide away in."

"What are you talking about?"

"Listen to me, fat boy--  I am still in rehab from the car accident.  The Doctor told me that you probably saved my life.  So you probably think I owe you some kind of life debt."

"No, not really."

"Let me tell you something, I don't believe you saved me.  If anything, you caused my accident."

A Mercedes came up behind me very fast, then began riding on my bumper.  It flashed its lights at me so I'd move out of its way, but traffic was so thick on either side of me that there was no place to move.  "How do you figure I caused your car to wreck."

"I think you know."

"I do not know."

"Oh, you know."

"Andy, I have no idea what you're talking about.  You were driving that truck pulling a trailer like a madman.  You had been drinking and were smoking a joint at the time when you flipped over.  I think that you have to --"

Andy quickly interrupted me.  "April Fools!  Ha, I got you!  Boy don't you feel stupid."

"What?"

"Riff isn't dead you stupid ass.  I just wanted to yank your chain.  Consider yourself yanked.  You been punked."

I sighed.   "That doesn't seem like something to joke about."

"That's because you got no sense of humor."

"So Riff dying, the company closing, me being out of a job, and me being responsible for your wreck were all just a prank?"

"All except for that last thing.  I do hold you liable for my nearly dying, and I will get my revenge.  You will never see me coming.  April Fools to you, you dumb idiot."  Andy hung up.

Traffic got worse as I continued to drive.  I pondered allowing Andy to get one over on me.  Guess there's no fool like a driving fool... except for an April Driving Fool!

1 comment:

  1. "Flummoxed" is the coolest word in the English language!

    ReplyDelete