Stopping at the Movies

I really do love going to the movies every chance I get. I'm on the road so much, sometimes I just have to pull off at a Cinema in a strange town and fulfill my "celluloid
jones." But wouldn't you know it, just my luck, whatever theater I go to always has to have some kooks in it.

Case in point, this past weekend I went to see SHUTTER ISLAND starring Leonardo DiCaprio. A very intense and suspenseful movie, and one I want to imerse myself into so I totally enjoy it. Once the movie began, a couple behind me started talking loudly in conversational tones. At first they just discussed where they would go for dinner after the movie. Then their chat turned to the movie we were watching.

"What's he doing now?" asked the man.

"I don't know," replied his girlfriend.

"What the heck is Leonardo doing?"

"I told you I don't know."

"He was so good in TITANIC. Didn't you love
him in TITANIC?"

"Yes, but I liked him better in THE DEPARTED."

Several people around me were making SHHH noises, but the folks behind me seemed blissfully ignorant.

"I bet I know what's gonna happen now. Wanna bet me?"

"No," said the girl, "You always bet me and I always lose."

About this time, the man's phone rang. People all over the theater auditorium groaned. He picked up and raised his voice.
"Hello! Hello. Yeah its me, I have to speak loud cuz I'm in a movie theater. Yeah, yeah right, Dolby THX sound is loud. Hey, did you get my proposal?"

At this point another man down the aisle from me turned and said, "Excuse me, but--"

The man on the phone put his fingers to his lips and said to the other man, "Shhh, please be quiet, I'm on the phone."

So I turned and asked him to take his phone call outside. The man on the phone looked like I had just called him a terrible name and said, "You wanna step outside? You wanna step outside and let me kick your ass?"

I turned around and endured the rest of his phone call. Once he was done, he started talking to the girl again. "Watch this, baby, watch this part, this is gonna be good. Ooooo!"

"I don't like this much so far," she said.

"But I heard its got a surprise ending. Want me to tell you?"

I jumped to my feet, spun around, pointed to the movie screen, and yelled, "This is not your living room and that is not your TV, so please shut up!"

Then I hurried out of the theater and found another auditorium at the same multiplex that was playing SHUTTER ISLAND. I don't usually stand up for myself so bravely, and thought I should disappear in case he was one of "Bill's (crazy) people" and might be waiting for me afterwards with a knife.