SPRINGFIELD PAWN

I had made a pit stop in Springfield, Missouri because I was exhausted from too many hours on the road.  I found a Dunkin Donuts with free Wifi, and went inside to set up at a table and catch up on my email.  I ordered a large coffee and a muffin, then got to work.

Before I knew it, a hand slammed down on my table.  I jumped a little bit, then saw it was a man wearing torn and dirty clothing.  "You using that computer?"

"What?"

"Don't mess around with me, its a sincere and honest question I'm asking you.  Are you using that computer laptop there?"  He had a strong accent, but I could not make out what region of the world he hailed from.

"Yes, it is my laptop."

"Well of course it is, who else would it belong to.  I am gonna get one of those laptop computers for myself, and then I'll be sitting right where you are, working on MY computer."

"Good for you."

"No, I mean it.  Right here, at this table.  You won't be able to work here, because I'll be at this table using my computer.  MINE!"

I nodded.  "Sounds good."

"Damn right.  You'll see."  He marched out purposefully, and I went back to work on the internet. I was in the middle of composing an email to my one true love, Karen.  I could not let this distract me very much, because it is such a regular occurrence for me.  Bill's people find me wherever I go, nearly every single day.

A few minutes later, I felt hot breath on the back of my neck.  I spun around, only to find this same man standing way too close behind me and reading over my shoulder.  "What do you want?" I asked.

"You shouldn't tell that girl Karen how you really feel."

"Please don't read my personal private emails."

"You don't want people reading them, you shouldn't display them in a pubic place."

"A pubic place?"

"You heard me.  I have a question for you.  How much did you pay for that computer?"

"I don't believe that's any of your business."

"How much?"

"Leave me alone."

"I can stand here all day.  How much?"

I sighed.  "Four hundred dollars."

"Is that with tax?"

"Before tax."

"How much tax did you pay?"

"I don't recall."

"That's OK, you can look it up later and get back to me.  How much would it have cost you if you had bought it at a Pawn shop?"

"I don't know."

He gave me a dubious glance.  "Sure you know.  Of course you know."

"No, really, I don't."

"How could you not?  Well, when I buy my computer, I'm going to a Pawn shop.  And that's what you should have done.  How much do you think it will cost me?"

"No clue."

"Best guess."

"No idea."

"I'm just asking you to guess."

"Three hundred."

"Is that with tax?"

"I don't know."

"Guess."

"Then yes, that includes tax."

He stroked his chin and studied me.  "No, I think you're wrong.  Dead wrong."

"OK, well then, have a nice day."

"I'm going to buy a computer.  And unlike you, I'm not going to be stupid about it.  I'm going to get it at a Pawn shop.  And you know what?  Its going to be better than yours!"  He slammed the table again.  "And hey dude, you should forget about that Karen girl.  She's obviously into chicks."

Then he was gone.  I packed up the computer and got back on the road.  I have hundreds of miles to drive and no relief in sight.