BALD AND CONFUSED

I was passing through Tallahassee on my way to Texas yesterday. I stopped in at a Barber shop I used to go to, and the Barber was excited to see me.

"Come on in and sit down, I haven't seen you in quite a while!"

"You remember me?"

"Of course I do, and I remember just exactly how you like your hair cut. Sit back and make yourself comfortable."
I did so, and he draped the cape over me to keep the hair off my clothes. Then he grabbed his electric clippers and started at my neck, making a straight path over my head directly to my forehead. Cutting off all my hair down to the scalp.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I exclaimed.

"Don't you like a buzz cut? Or some folks call it a crew cut."

"No, no, neither one, whatever you call it, no!"

"Aren't you in the military?"

"No!"

"Oh... wait a minute. You're that guy who drives cars, ain't ya?"

"Yes, that's me."

"Sorry, wrong haircut. Well, I guess we could stop now and call it a Reverse Mohawk." He threw his head back and laughed. I felt no desire to join him in his laughter. I sadly surveyed the bald strip, and told him to go ahead and finish up. So now, I have no hair til it grows back out.

After the haircut, I went down the block to the market. There was a rather odd older man standing out front, wearing ragged clothes. One of the many strange people I meet on a daily basis. "Well hello there," he said to me. "It's about time you got here."

I didn't question his familiarity. I'm used to it. I smiled, nodded, and said "Hello."

"I've been meaning to ask you, what do you think of our new President?" This was the second time in two weeks that someone asked me about the President.

I just shrugged and said "OK."

"Just OK, huh? I happen to think Mr. Lincoln is a fine man."

"Lincoln?"

"That's right, Abraham Lincoln, our new President. I think he'll be a good one. Do you really think he'll reunite the country and make us whole again?"

"I hope so. I'll say a prayer."

And the man began to bray with laughter, slapped me on the back, and said "You just said a mouth full."

So I walked away, bald and confused.