Before the Covid virus hit one year ago, life was very different. All of our lives have changed, some folks a whole lot more than others. But most everyone has been affected in some way or the other, including me. My workload has decreased to the point where I've been struggling just to stay afloat. And my boss Riff grows ever less charming each and every day.
Early January 2020, when we were mostly blissfully unaware of the viral dangers that lay ahead, I had been assigned to pick up a limousine in Long Island. Riff had called and said, "Listen you sorry SOB, you need to pick up this brand new limousine and get it to Charlotte, pronto."
"North Carolina?"
"No stupid, I'm talking about Charlotte, New Orleans. How dumb can one man be?"
"You tell me."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Forget it."
"Now this limousine is going to a Funeral home in Charlotte, but they haven't printed the company name on the doors yet. They will use this limo to take family's to and from the services for the loved one. Wait, what did you say?"
"Never mind, Riff." I hung up.
I'd driven the limo south through some very heavy traffic. I stopped off in Richmond to stay overnight with my friend Justin and his family. He had a lovely wife named Mary, and two kids, Bud and Judy. Bud's real name was Timothy, but no one ever called him that. I cared a lot for both of these kids, and was sorry to see them both looking so sad when I arrived. But they did light up when I walked into the house that day.
"Uncle Bill," shouted Judy, running up to give me a hug.
"Hi, Uncle Bill," said Bud, smiling as he rose from his seat to greet me.
"Hey guys, how ya doing?"
"Don't ask," said Judy.
"Bummed out," said Bud.
"Why?"
Mary walked into the room. "Because they want to go to the dance at their school tonight." She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Welcome."
I was confused. "Why can't they go to the dance?"
Mary smirked. "Well they can, of course."
"No we can't," scoffed Bud.
"Nope," echoed Judy.
"I don't understand."
Mary smiled and shook her head. "Neither do I. They've both been looking forward to this event and planning for months."
"And Daddy said he'd get us a limousine to take our dates to the prom," Judy pouted.
Mary was defensive. "Your father did not promise."
Bud protested. "I would definitely have to call it a commitment."
"No sir, no promises or commitments. Your father discussed it with you, and then with me. Ultimately, it cost too much and we decided against it."
Bud shook his head. "So we get to take our dates in the family minivan."
"I will be happy to drive you there and back," offered Mary.
Judy gave her a cold stare. "You're only making it worse, mom. I can't believe I'm 15 and I've never had a ride in a limo."
"Dad really screwed the pooch on this one."
Mary was irritated. "OK, that's enough. You don't talk about your Dad that way, more especially when he's not here to defend himself."
Justin walked in the front door. "OK I am here, ready to defend! Guys, lower your voices, I could hear you out in the garage. Bill Thomas, you adorably insane maniac!"
"Reporting for duty, sir."
"Is that your car out front?"
I grabbed Justin and pulled him behind him through the door that leads down to the basement. I wanted a private conversation with him about taking his kids to the dance. Justin wanted to be sure it wouldn't be an inconvenience for me. "I want to do this! Please let me?"
Justin shrugged. "Who am I to tell you no?"
"You're not." I ran up the basement stairs.
"Wait for me, you madman!"
"Hey kids," I yelled when I was back in the living room with them. "Have I got a surprise for you."
"Hang on," Justin cautioned. "Your Uncle Bill is going to do something really nice for you, and I expect you both to give this gift full acknowledgement and recognition."
"Bud, Judy, come with me, please." As we all stepped out the door, I asked if I could please drive them to the dance that night.
"What are you driving?" asked Judy. That's when we turned the corner outside the house and they saw the limousine parked out front.
"Oh my God!" yelled Bud.
"No way!" shouted Judy.
"Yes way!" I shouted back.
Mother Mary stepped up to me. "Are you sure you want to do this, Bill?"
"I really am, and I really do."
"Don't argue with the man!" warned Judy.
"Is it 100% OK with your company?"
I burst out with laughter. "I just don't care. It just doesn't matter. I still have not been paid for the past two jobs I did, and I'm treated with disdain all day every day. I feel they owe me, and this is a payoff."
"He's made up his mind, Mom, and there's no changing his mind," said Bud.
I jerked my thumb towards Bud. "What he said."
The kids got ready. I had to borrow a clean dress shirt from Justin, and it was pretty tight on me. But Mary helped me to look dressed up, and even found a jaunty racing cap for me to wear to complete the ensemble. Four hours later, when the kids were all dressed and ready to go, I gave them the full treatment: opening and closing doors, being the faithful and subservient driver.
Judy's date was impressed. Bud's date was truly super impressed, and then some. I made them look good. I took a nap in the parking lot of the school where the dance took place. I wanted to be there waiting for them when they were ready to go. I took a quick peek in the rear view on the drive home and saw the kids making out. I was happy for them, but a tiny bit jealous because I haven't kissed anyone lately. Nope, longer than lately. Damn, I crave the soft lips of a familiar girl.
After dropping off their dates, I did a few fishtails and stunts with the limo that made Bud and Judy squeal with glee. When I got them home, both of them thanked me profusely. It was such a pleasure, and I knew I had made their evening special and memorable. That's what I like to do most in the world. Making people happy, and giving free rides in a limousine.
