The summer of 2019 has been a brutal one. The heat has been oppressive and most folks are pretty miserable. Now being from Alabama, I'm no stranger to heat and humidity. But I drive cars to locations all over the lower 48, and even northern states have been unseasonably hot.
That was true on this day in late August, when I drove a Ford Focus into Grand Rapids, Michigan. The customer had asked me to deliver to him at a movie theatre near his home. His name was Sam Peterson, and I drove to the front of the theatre where I saw a man waving eagerly at me. I parked and got out of the car. "Hi, I'm Bill Thomas. Are you Mr. Peterson?"
"Yes, that's me, sure as I'm sitting here." He was standing and very enthusiastic. "Just enjoying this beautiful day. It's the quiet before the calm."
"I have your new company car here."
"For me?" He seemed to be overreacting more than a little bit.
"Yes sir, you're going to love it."
"Now don't jump the rifle, boy. I'll have to drive it a while before I love it. Only time will lie."
"I assure you it's a good car."
"Company cars are a quarter a dozen."
"So you don't like them?"
He shrugged. "Eight one way, half dozen the other."
"Do you enjoy driving at all?"
"Once in a green moon."
"Green?"
"Now a green car would have been great," he told me. I looked sadly at his red car. "Let's not beat around the proverbial Mulberry tree. Just be a man, bang the bullet, and tell me what you have to say."
I was confused. "About what?"
He patted his ample beer gut with open palm and said, "I'm ready for anything, I'm fit as a cello and ready for fun."
"I'm not sure I follow you."
"All you have to do is follow, and I will lead you on a wonderful adventure. It's a story as old as the valleys."
"Valleys?"
"Valley of the happy green giant. But don't fret Bill, every cloud has a creamy center."
"I just need you to sign this paperwork--"
He quickly interrupted. "What? No! Why?" He was quite agitated.
"Mr. Peterson, I just need --"
"I'm Sam Peterson," came another voice from behind me. I turned and saw a younger, well-dressed man walking towards me.
"You are Mr. Peterson?" I asked.
The man who was not Sam Peterson said, "Well, speak of the angel, and an angel appears."
"Excuse me?" asked a baffled Sam.
"Hi sir, I'm Bill Thomas and this is your car."
The mystery man who was not Sam said, "Wait, you gave me the car and now you're taking it away? There's a name for people like you, but I can't recall it." He reached out his hand to shake Sam's. "Hello stranger, how in the world have you been?"
Sam's eyes pleaded with me for context within the confusion. "What is happening, Bill? Who is this guy?"
Mystery guy grinned and said, "Sam Peterson, good to meet you."
Sam flinched. "But I'm Sam Peterson."
Mystery guy took off a shoe and banged it on the car bumper. Sam and I both yelled "Hey!" at the same time.
"That's it! Mystery guy shouted. "That's the straw that broke the Arabian knights!" He began giggling in a very odd way. "Oh well, when things go wrong, just start over. Back to the old Etch-a-Sketch. This morning I was talking to my psychiatrist in the mental ward, then I climbed out a window, and then a guy tries to give me a car but takes it back. Just like in The Lion King, it's the circle of squares."
"The what?" asked Sam.
I tried to ignore the mystery guy and tend to my customer. But Mr. Mystery had one more comment to make. "What's my name, you ask?"
"No one asked," said Sam.
"From one Sam to another, I strongly suggest you take everything this man says with a pound of salt." He was pointing directly at me. "Now if you gents will excuse me, I have a lunch date with a duck." He turned on his heel and sashayed away.
Sam stared at me. "Who was that?"
"No idea," I said. "I categorize folks like that as Bill's people."
"Bill's people? You're Bill."
"Yes, and Bill's people are God's own oddballs who always find me anywhere, everywhere."
Sam smiled. Lucky you." He signed the paperwork I left and headed for the nearby Avis location to rent a car to my next pick up in Louisville, Kentucky. I thought a lot about Mr. Mystery, and hoped he would make it back to the hospital before dark.
